They seemed to like me more – a man confused about his sexuality somebody who was apprehensive just like them. They were more discreet and hence less likely to indulge in robbery or blackmailing, something I had heard was common in the gay world. Starting out, I found dating married men to be more convenient. I could have his rear end but the symbol of manhood was reserved for the wife. R, for instance, didn’t let me touch his organ. Some have laid down rules of their own to escape guilt. “At least I am not dating a woman,” is a regular refrain. What’s common among them, however, is the belief that dating men is not equal to cheating their wives. Many feel entitled and want “the best of both worlds” there are few who feel suffocated in heterosexual marriages but have no courage to come out. It’s been over a decade since I started dating men and most middle-aged ones come with the “married” tag. About to turn 30, I was not sure of my sexuality. All the men I found desirable on gay dating sites were married and I was done vacillating. Though I felt like a conspirator in this act of betraying his wife, I had few options. That he was married felt perfect back then, a surety that he would be discreet and restrained unlike the flamboyant and proud gay men I was wary of. We had liked each other’s profiles – images were exchanged over Planet Romeo, a social network for queer people, and were chatting for more than a week. This was my orientation into same-sex relationships and V was eager to be my guide. This was back in 2011 and my first date with a man.
![why am i gay and single why am i gay and single](https://media.gq.com/photos/5a4d630287d66632169629ca/master/pass/gq-gay-loneliness.jpg)
“We can meet today after office and see how things go,” V said over the phone.